Study: Husbands who are close to in-laws are in it for the long haul

Family gatherings around the holidays usually mean one thing: it?s time to see the in-laws. And according to new findings, how your spouse gets along with your parents could have implications for your marriage.

Recently-released research by Dr. Terri Orbuch, psychologist and researcher at University of Michigan, shows that marriages last longer when the husband reports that he has a close relationship with his wife?s parents. The risk of divorce dropped nearly 20 percent.

The findings are part of a 26-year longitudinal study which followed 373 couples who applied for their marriage licenses in 1986. Dr. Orbuch continued to follow the 746 people over the years either as together as couples or separately as divorced individuals.

Psychologist Dr. Christine Fernandez says men who get along well with their wife?s family may be signalling that they are making extra efforts to make the relationship work. She believes that the little extra effort goes a long way, especially during the first years of marriage.

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?Couples are coming together and trying to build a family. But both are used to how things were done in their family of origin,? Dr. Fernandez says. ?When she sees that husbands are making the effort to get along, she feels more loved because he?s trying to understand her more fully.?

But the in-law and spouse relationship is not the same for women. According to Dr. Orbuch the findings were reversed by gender. When wives reported being very close to their in-laws, especially early in marriage, the couple?s likelihood of getting divorced increased by 20 percent.

Dr. Orbuch attributes this finding to the different ways men and women approach their in-laws.

?As women I think we have a much more difficult time setting boundaries and limits,? she says. ?When we feel really close to our in-laws we?re unable to make those clear set boundaries and interpret any comments as meddling.?

Men, on the other hand, may have an easier time brushing off the same comments that their wives consider as intervening.

For Dr. Fernandez, the boundary setting problem can continue one step further. She says that in her work as a psychologist, she?s seen problems with the in-laws be symptomatic of issues within the relationship itself.

?I would go further to say that if the wife has trouble setting boundaries with the in-laws, she probably has problems setting boundaries with her husband as well,? Dr. Fernandez says. ?If she believes she?s not getting support, that?s another problem within the relationship as well. So it?s not about the in-laws causing the issues.?

The findings on the in-law and spouse relationship are early releases from the full study, which will be published in the journal?Family Relations?in 2013.

Source: http://nbclatino.com/2012/11/28/study-husbands-who-are-close-to-in-laws-are-in-it-for-the-long-haul/

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